Watch for These When Driving

Anyone who has lived in Phuket for even a little while has noticed that there are very different kinds of drivers on the road; but that’s no surprise, there are different kinds of drivers everywhere. What’s surprising is that the drivers here have conspired to group themselves according to vehicle type. As a warning to newcomers and a reminder to the initiated, this is a list of cars from most to least lethal:

Airport Taxi: These road demons are the most reckless drivers on the road. They fly down the airport freeway and main bypass road like maniacs trying to beat their current best time swerving in and out of traffic in their mandated airport Camrys. Most locals in Phuket have a reserved taxi driver to take them to the airport that actually drives at a normal speed. The only time I enter one of these is coming back late from a trip when I can’t get a friend to come get me. I tell them they get a tip if they take longer than 20 minutes to get to my house.

Mini-van: Unlike airport taxis, which can be avoided on most roads, the ubiquitous mini-van is always there to cut you off, tailgate you, or flash its lights at you coming down the wrong side of the road trying to pass around a tight corner. These drivers must take it as granted that the road is theirs and theirs alone, because they certainly aren’t going to get out of the way to let you use it.

Dump Truck or Tanker: Given the amount of construction going on in Phuket, large dump trucks and cement trucks are always going up and down the roads. They generally don’t swerve much, but once they’ve picked up a bit of speed, nothing is going to slow them down. This doesn’t seem to bother them at all, as they’ll follow along or overtake cars that can actually stop if something jumps onto the road.

Bus: The massive tour busses that clog the roads in Phuket are thankfully seasonal. They bring the tourists, and the tourists bring their money, so I may have to count them a necessary evil. However, they travel in packs. Four or five double decker busses traveling in a line together is not something you want to get in the way of. Even worse, the drivers will do anything from running red lights to tailgating to make sure that the convoy stays together and they stay on schedule.

Motorcycle Sidecar: These are the tripwires of the Phuket roads. Few have lights on them and at night, their slow speed, odd shape, and resemblance to a normal motorcycle makes you misjudge the space you need to pass them by until just as you’re right on top of them. You have only a split second to avoid the wire and metal frame jutting another two meters out from one side.

Tuk-Tuk: Tuk-Tuks are actually more obnoxious off the road flagging down tourists and taking up all the good parking spaces than they are on the road. Except for a few exceptionally bad drivers, I have few complaints about their driving in general.

Hopped Up Motorcycle: Kids like to go fast, and when they can only afford a motor scooter, they’ll make that go fast. I’m surprised at just how fast those skinny little racing scooters can go. The sound of the engine would embarrass me enough not to ride one, but it gives you a chance to know they’re coming up fast behind you and keep going very straight so that they can dodge around you to one side or the other.