Shopping in Phuket

I’m by no means a big fan of shopping and even less a fan of the US, but one thing the US has got right is shopping. Just about anything you could want is online. You just type in whatever you’re looking for and up come about a thousand different variations on the item in ten different colors with reviews and recommendations on each make. Not only that, but suggestions for other models and accessories will come up under the now ubiquitous “Customers Also Bought” section.

If you buy online, just pop in your credit card, enjoy a 70% discount off of the normal price, and expect door-to-door next-day shipping. If you don’t like it, go ahead and return it for a full refund. Shoot, Zappos will give you a full refund on shoes for up to a year after you’ve bought them—even if the soles are worn down from daily use.

If you don’t want to buy online, there are hundreds of stores caring everything within a short drive of wherever you are. Staff are generally knowledgeable and friendly. Things are generally in stock. Credit, financing, and anything else they need to get you to leave having bought something is available. The motto in the US is that if someone has money, they’re going to do everything they can to make sure that they spend it all plus whatever is still left on the cards.

Now compare that to Phuket: say you had an itch that needed scratching, to reach that itch you need to buy a widget. Dreading the hassle of buying the widget, you have waited until the itch has turned into a nearly life threatening sore that is so infected that you can no longer wear a shirt because it is too irritating on your inflamed skin. So, deciding that you’d slightly rather try and buy a widget to scratch the itch than hitch yourself to the back of a city bus and have it drag you over the pavement, you embark on your quest.

First you need to figure out where to go. Phone book? No. Yellow pages? No. Convenient Internet directory? No.  The only way to find what you’re looking for is to call friends and ask around and get a bunch of suggestions as to which stores might carry said widget. You won’t get addresses, and even if you did there’s only been a street directory for Phuket in the last two weeks or something. No, you’re going to be looking for the widget shop across from the third 7-Eleven behind the FamilyMart.

After going to ten different widget shops, if you’re lucky, you’ll find a widget shop that carries something that is sorta what you’re looking for. It’s an off-brand model that you don’t recognize and you’re not even sure of that because it could be a Chinese copy of an off-brand. You ask a few questions about the widget, which may or may not work, and are met by an empty stare. The shop-keep hasn’t got any idea of what the widget does or how it does it. Well, there’s only one in all of Phuket, might as well check the price. There’s no price. You ask for the price. The price is ten times the price that you saw on the Internet when you looked widgets up. You bargain until the price is only twice what you expect. Maybe they’ll take a credit card. Wait, you don’t have a credit card (not a local one anyway), you’re a foreigner. Well, maybe they could arrange some financing. Ha! It’s cash only—you’re a foreigner.

So you go to an ATM and take out more money than you’d like. Still, it doesn’t matter much. Your foreigner money wasn’t earning any interest at the bank anyway. Foreigner money doesn’t earn real interest—why would it? You present a big wad of cash for the widget. Would you like a receipt, an official one? Well, that’s going to cost a bit more.

Before you walk out of the store, you ask if there’s a return policy. The shop-keep just looks at you. You’re not getting any money back. The widget is too big for your bike. Maybe they’ll deliver it for you? On second thought, you call a tuk-tuk.

After a full day searching for, bargain over, and swearing, your widget arrives at home. Your itch can finally be scratched. You go to plug the widget in. But no! The plug doesn’t fit; you need a widget adapter! You call the shop-keep asking for the adapter. You’ll pay anything just to get it finally working. Shop-keep tells you, “Sorry, only sell adapter for widget in Bangkok. You go Bangkok.”